My mind and I

I haven't written for a while and man my head is about to explode! Man oh man oh peter pan!

So I've been doing some fun stuff the last few days/weeks, and things that have been really good for me. I've been trying to stay on track (not drink, sleep well, stay close to God) but let me tell you, it ain't been easy dude! And fail is a word that comes to mind right about now.

I don't have an issue with drinking or people who drink so let me say that first. What I have an issue with is if drinking is destroying someones life or areas in their life. If drinking is a crutch, something you use to not have to face things or just straight up makes you feel like poop then you got to kick that to the curb (I've been trying and doing pretty well). But I fail there too.

Why? y? wigh?

I notice that Joel sometimes doesn't like Joel, that is to say I can't stand myself sometimes. The way I think, the places my mind goes. I get frustrated or down, I want to be the best person I can be. To be kind and loving and accepting to all people and when I fail I get mad at me. When I was drinking I got a break from Joel every once in a while (okay more like 3 or 4 times a week) and to be honest it helped me deal with me, my failings, but in reality that is no way to deal.

Since I have been drinking less my mind and I have been hanging out much much more. I know we will learn to like each other one day, even admire each other but right now or after a bad freaken day I just want a break. That is what I want.

Sometimes what we want is not what we need..

What do I think I need? I need to like who I am, my thoughts, my rights and my wrongs and live with sometimes the bad things, learn from the bad things. I need to learn to live with out escape so that I can truly help others. Truly be me with no me missing.

Failure sucks, or does it? The bible says....

Hebrews 4:14-16
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

So Jesus was tempted with the same stuff we are tempted with, he get's it man. Think of how much he probably wanted to run away from who he was. What he knew he would eventually have to do. Man he probably wanted to get drunk A LOT! maybe even thought about getting drunk before facing the cross. But he had a mission of love to carry out and he needed to be present for it.
We all have a purpose and I think we should be present for it too. It could be amazing.

We aren't alone in our battle with ourselves, we have God and other people because as humans we really are all on the same team

We all have demons to face and they come in many shapes and forms. It can sometimes seem easier to not face them at all. To run run run.. It's when we stop, turn around and face them that we can once and for all defeat them. I think the demons in our lives love it when we drink to ignore them. They love to be ignored because it means we aren't actually going to do anything about them.. Man they get scared when we stop running! Having friends to talk to about things helps too. Friends understand, people understand. And let me reiterate again how hard this has been for me.. BUT

Should I also just run from the things in life that are difficult?

"Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led diffcult lives and led them well."
-- Theodore Roosevelt

Why would he have envied people who had difficult lives and lived them well? Why wouldn't he want to have an easy life?

Maybe there is a hidden secret in overcoming difficulty. Maybe it is in those times (when we actually face those things) that we gain true victory in our lives. We find ourselves and we begin to see what we are here for. To love, to inspire, to fight for truth and not take this precious thing we call life for granted.

It's going to be hard! But it's going to be worth it.

Thank you God for my struggles and the ability to face and overcome them so I can truly appreciate what it is to live!