Brain dance

Just wrote a little tiddly poem and thought I would share. Sometimes we complicate things and that is quite a simple fact.

It's simple to be simple

just think of simple thoughts

jumping frogs, hollow logs

and playing drums on pots

But beware of the thinking

and sinking down a lot

when thinking about thinking

the mind can still get caught

in complicated twists and turns

like knots and rolling rocks

for example....

the number nine or yesterday

the way the world turns and sways

why people smile and then they frown

why what goes up must come down

the stars and how they shine so bright

what gives us taste?

what gives us sight?

when I die what will I wear?

what if i am attacked by a.... wolf?

....................

it's simple to be simple

of that I am quite sure

Just beware of thinking

and not thinking some more

Pass the hurt?

Happy Friday to y'all. Hope none of you get hit by a satellite falling out of the sky today! If you don't know what I'm talking about, NASA has warned the world that one of their satellites will be falling back to earth shortly.. But don't worry your odds of getting hit by it are the same as hitting a hole in one.. If you're a bad golfer you're safe!

So what is this blog about? Satellites falling? Actually no that was just a random thought. I'm actually writing about hurt.. How many of us are guilty of passing the hurt? I know I am.. What is passing the hurt? You might ask with a knowing grin on your beautiful face. Well it's a little game we as humans like to play.

Has anyone ever hurt you? Said something mean? Done something to you they shouldn't have? Made you feel like the world wasn't such an amazing place? Maybe even made you feel like the world was a down right awful place? Yes I think it's safe to say we have all been hurt.
So what is our reaction to being hurt?
Well It would seem our instinctual reaction is we put up walls. Go into defense mode. We don't want to be hurt because it doesn't feel good so we look for ways to protect ourselves. They say sometimes the best defense is a good offense so some people begin to hurt others in an attempt to not be hurt themselves. No one is going to go near a snake that constantly bites. The snake might be lonely but chances are no one will ever get close enough to hurt him. Good strategy?

Someone says you're stupid and you say.. No I'm not you are!! Think about it..

So we pass the hurt. We pass it to children, friends, family or anyone in our way. They in turn pass the hurt to someone new. Not because we want to hurt others. No, I don't think anyone wants another person to hurt. In our simple little human minds we think we are protecting ourselves.

HURT CAN BE RESOLVED! But sadly It rarely is. We live in a world of hurt people. They in turn become lost because they live in a cycle of hurting others and then guess what? The defenses fail and the person still gets hurt. To resolve the hurt we must begin by looking at why fighting fire with fire doesn't work.. MORE FIRE!!

It may seem like it's human nature to hold grudges, to build walls and to pass the hurt but I think sometimes saying something is human nature is just an excuse. An excuse to take the easy road. We define our nature by our actions. Break the cycle of hurt! It begins with forgiveness.

Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian woman who survived a Nazi concentration camp during the Holocaust, said, "Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you."

hmmmmm..... Really think about that... The prisoner was you? Could it be that our "Human nature" is actually hurting us more? Holding us captive? ABSOLUTELY! This is one of the truths that when you realize it, it really sets you free..

So look at your past. The things that have hurt you.. Start letting those things go and see how it feels, forgive the people who you feel have hurt you. It's scary at first because you think you are making yourself vulnerable but guess what, it doesn't make you any more vulnerable at all! Start fighting fire with water. If someone hurts you, love them in return.

Jesus said,

“But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” Matthew 5:39

Jesus in his infinite wisdom was commanding us to do something we don't completely understand. It seems he is telling us to let people hurt us. Simply looked at it may appear that way but we also have to rememeber Jesus had knowledge of the big picture. Maybe it was more about love. Saying to the person, "I know you don't want to hurt me, I will not retaliate, I love you." Eventually love causes people to drop their defenses because their fear of being hurt starts to disappear.

Passing the hurt will never get us anywhere but it may, in the beginning, feel like we are protecting ourselves. The only true way to stop the world from hurting is to love and forgive each other. Try it, it will surprise you.

Start passing the love. It may take time to break down defenses but eventually they will fall and you will see the world through different eyes.

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle

Hitting the snooze button

bzzzzzzzzzzzzz... bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - that's the sound of an alarm clock (Metaphor for a calling on someones life) to wake up and answer that calling. And I say,
"Okay Okay!! I know I know I need to wake up buuuutt I'll just hit the snooze button once.."

bzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzz...
"Oh right I was supposed to wake up.. Oh well hitting the snooze button one more time won't hurt..."

BZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZ
"Okay okay this time I'll get up!"

How many freaken wake up calls does a person need before they actually truly wake up??
The answer for me seems to always be just one more. I realize I need to wake up and then I do but then quickly decide that just hitting the snooze button one more time couldn't hurt. I'm talking in metaphors here. I'm referring to waking up to your life, to the things you may be doing that cause you pain. To the things you may not be doing that would cause you joy. Waking up and living the life calling to you. Beckoning you to become fulfilled and empowered.

Not waking up seems kind of insane.

My good buddy Albert Einstein defines Insanity thusly: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Let's think about the things we as humans do over and over again.

We look for happiness in money or power so some people work endlessly expecting that the emptiness that they feel when it comes to work or life will be filled by the money they make. Inevitably power in work and money from slaving endless hours will just be a fix. You will get hungry again and you'll start eating anything you can find.. It just leads you into a cycle.

How about someone addicted to a drug or alcohol or any crutch really? Sometimes the need is to dull an emotion, forget or ignore things or just feel momentarily better.. Then, you crash and feel like garbage but that's okay because you can just start the whole thing again right? insane cycle?

Maybe you look to other people to fix things, using someone physically or emotionally to make you feel fulfilled? Needed? Important? But then people let you down, you feel crappy again but that is also okay because there are lot's of new people to turn to. Insane cycle not getting anywhere really. spinning the tires.

Going around in circles looking for happiness, fulfillment, purpose. Reminds me of something...

A hamster running in a wheel not getting anywhere but continually running because maybe just maybe it feels like he is getting somewhere when he really truly undoubtedly is not going to get anywhere..

How many of us do that? I have been doing it so much lately it's not funny.. Okay well maybe a little funny hahah. Actually someone I heard speak lately, Steve Backlund, said it's good sometimes to say "let's just laugh about that." and actually just laugh about it in order to be able to not let little things bother us. Look him up on youtube, he's a great guy.

Maybe you are perfect and are always on the right path not using any crutches and taking complete responsibility for you and looking only to truth to make you happy. If that's you then congrats and can you teach me? That's not me though and Let me talk to you about my recent wake up calls.

Wake up call #1. Drinking is something I have been trying to take control over for a while. I've been in denial and I've known it wasn't good for me but I just kept running in that wheel. So one night I'm out on the town with some friends. I have way to much to drink, like I did almost every single time I drank, and don't remember much. Oh, what I do remember is a bit of an ambulance ride and then being at the hospital. Turns out someone had assaulted me. One of my eyes wouldn't open and when I forced it to I had double vision. I don't want to make this a long drawn out story so lets just say I ended up with three broken bones in my face. I now have a hole from my sinuses to my right eye socket. When I blow my nose my eye moves.. eek..

This happened and I said.. No more running in the alcohol wheel. It's hurting me in many ways.
but guess what?? again I hit the snooze button. Even after a broken face. WAKE UP JOEL!

Wake up call # 2.
So here I am writing yet another blog from my bed (Although today was a much better day) what am I on about? I have pneumonia. So another thing I have never been very good at is taking care of myself.. I think many of us suffer from that and we have this idea that we are invincible. Others might get sick but we never will. I GOT SICK!! running in that wheel of not taking care of myself.

Those are just the two latest wake up calls.. There have been many...

Making the same choices and expecting a different outcome.. Oh Albert my boy you truly were a genius!

So here I am.. The alarm has gone off yet again and I have not hit the snooze button yet. I pray that I have the strength not to hit it at all..

So how do we get off our hamster wheels? Just that, get out of the wheel. We all have wheels and I'm sure if we think hard enough we know what they are. I am going to quote Steve Backlund again here..

"Everything in our lives that doesn't glisten with hope is based on a lie." Think about that!

When we run in a wheel and we feel hopeless it's because we aren't basing things in our lives on the truth. We are in denial. It's scary to face yourself and to face your wheels. Chances are even though they eventually make you feel bad at the time they are in some ways comforting. Things like money, power, clothes, cars, lots of "friends", getting drunk/high/shutting off your brain in some way. These fixes all put you right back in the wheel. What gets you out of the wheel?

TRUTH, LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, SIMPLICITY, PROPER REST/DIET, TRUE FRIENDS, FAMILY, PEACE.... So much much much more. If it gives you hope then it probably isn't putting you in a wheel. Not hope that if only you could change who you are or your circumstances but real hope for who you are RIGHT NOW.. Negative thinking needs to stop and positive thinking needs to take over.

Everyone needs a wake up call and depending on how insane you are you may need quite a few wake up calls but you know you have wheels in your life that you are running in, well let this be your wake up call!! Stop running in the wheel! Start focusing on truth. The true things that can and will make you happy.

If you are like me you get discouraged easy. If you aren't like me you then keep doing what you're doing. But don't let discouragement put you back in the wheel either.. That would be a lie.

Pursue your dreams! Breath the air! Give someone a hug! Be the shiny you that God created.

Smile! but please don't wait for the next alarm. You never know when there won't be a next..

WAKE UP!!

Our greatest resource, the key to heaven?

The date this was finished was actually Sept. 16th

Try to look at this child and not smile!

So I started writing this blog like a month ago and put it off for a while. Not really sure why. Now I'm sick with pneumonia and I've been laying in bed for almost a week now watching tv and inevitably thinking a lot. But I'm going to attempt right now to finish it. So hold onto your horses peeps cause I am slightly feverish.

Okay.... sooooo.. This is a BIG one. I want to try to tackle this well but it's going to be tough because I think it's a HUGE thing. it's also really important to me. I'm going to give it a shot though because it's been on my mind for a while and it's something that is really important to me.

One of the things we struggle with as people when it comes to happiness, or the lack of it, is ourselves. Makes things difficult because well, the one thing you will always have the rest of your life is you. When you were a kid do you remember that? Do you remember the weight on your shoulders being that heavy? What do you mean you didn't think about it?

Can you remember when life started to get a bit harder? When you started to grow up and think the world wasn't such an amazing place. That people suffer, hate, lie. What changed from being a child? Children can still suffer and lie so does getting old just go hand in hand with more suffering? What do kids have that we don't?

Maybe trust? acceptance? Innocence?

What the heck am I getting at with this?????

CHILDREN.. Our greatest resource and the key to heaven is CHILDREN and this can be seen metaphorically, literally or palatorically (I made that word up)! This whole blog and it's focus is to try to explain what I know to be true but also explore what Jesus said about children. Key word being Try.. Might have to read between the lines on this one cause my heads pretty loopy.

I can not stress enough how amazing children are and let me tell you Jesus constantly stressed the importance of children. I'm going to quote a few bible verses where Jesus talked about children but I'm sure there are more. I could also talk about so many experiences in my own life where kids have helped me and things I've learned.

Mark 10:13-16
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have Him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them.

So Jesus was Indignant. He was really upset that the disciples were hindering the children. Then he went on to say that if we can't be like kids we won't receive the kingdom of heaven. We need to be like them. What does that mean? Maybe that we too need to trust? Have faith? Acceptance? Innocence? Enjoy life for what it is.. Could kids in their simplicity understand something that we as adults and our more mature minds can not grasp?

No way! All concepts are easier understood as we become more "Intelligent". lol I'm talking to myself now! uh ohhhh...

I used to pray a lot that I would gain more knowledge and wisdom. As I aged I guess I figured I should know more and more so I could understand everything and have nothing to fear, I didn't like fear. Strangely the more I have done that the more I have feared. Something wasn't working. It's like chasing a fix. No matter how much you know and learn, you only end up opening a new door to confusion, a new can of worms. I believe it's an endless cycle. How do you break that?

Have you ever looked at a kid running around playing, laughing, not a care in the world and thought, "That child needs to know more." Of course not! But maybe you wished you could be like that? I think we can. I truly truly do. And I believe we are supposed to be.

Just so people know I quickly want to say I don't think knowledge is bad although I suppose it seems like I do lol. What I am saying about knowledge is if we make it our goal to know in an attempt to enjoy or we will run the risk of loosing sight of the simple basic truths. Butterflies are pretty, marshmallows are fun to eat, clowns are scary (little personal one there lol).

I have now started to pray that I need to know less and learn to trust more. Not that I know less.. That I need to know less..I want to loose the NEED to know everything in order to not fear. That I don't feel I need to know everything. That I can trust.. Look at the beauty all around me and frolic in a field of daisies. Return to innocence (Awesome song from the 90s).

I realize adults can't be kids. There is responsibility and knowledge that we need to gain as we grow but... Strive to be like a child.. It could be good. It could be GREAT.. Laugh for no reason. Eat something that you probably shouldn't lol.. Fever talking maybe?

I think as adults we begin to kind of poison ourselves and our conscience. Entertainment, money, power, we take in garbage. We think we need it. We can easily get lost. Probably why being like kids is also the key to heaven.

I guess..

We just need to loose the idea that as we age we need to be less trusting and less child like. not trusting hurts us.. Even though we feel like we will get hurt by trusting. Truth is we could get hurt either way. Protect yourself with in reason but.. Don't live in a brick wall a child would never understand. Gauge your wall based on that maybe? Let go a little too.

Speaking of hurt. Don't get me started on how wrong it is to hurt a child. Jesus talked about that too.

Mark 9:42 "And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.

Jesus wasn't putting that lightly at all! Children need love and guidance!

Jesus also said treating a child well is treating him well..

Mark 9:35-37
Sitting down, Jesus called the twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking him in His arms, He said to them, "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me."

I think we need to treat children amazingly. Raise them knowing they are the future, they are God's gift and help teach us his truths. Beware of causing a child to become untrustworthy or sad. Kids eat up encouragement like a hungry shark!! I encourage you to encourage some children you know!

Then after you've done that take some lessons from those children. Think less.. Trust more.. This in turn will cause you to worry less, enjoy more, laugh and dance more!! Start believing in Santa Clause again if you have to! We are all children in God's eyes! :)

I want to leave you with a few quotes I found about children that I think ring true. I realize this has been my most disorganized blog but hey I'm running a fever and it's a really hard topic to tackle. I should probably return to it when my brain isn't boiling and in more detail because I barely scratched the surface.

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. ~William Stafford

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. ~Rabindranath Tagore

Children are one third of our population and all of our future. ~Select Panel for the Promotion of Child Health, 1981

While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

My mind and I

I haven't written for a while and man my head is about to explode! Man oh man oh peter pan!

So I've been doing some fun stuff the last few days/weeks, and things that have been really good for me. I've been trying to stay on track (not drink, sleep well, stay close to God) but let me tell you, it ain't been easy dude! And fail is a word that comes to mind right about now.

I don't have an issue with drinking or people who drink so let me say that first. What I have an issue with is if drinking is destroying someones life or areas in their life. If drinking is a crutch, something you use to not have to face things or just straight up makes you feel like poop then you got to kick that to the curb (I've been trying and doing pretty well). But I fail there too.

Why? y? wigh?

I notice that Joel sometimes doesn't like Joel, that is to say I can't stand myself sometimes. The way I think, the places my mind goes. I get frustrated or down, I want to be the best person I can be. To be kind and loving and accepting to all people and when I fail I get mad at me. When I was drinking I got a break from Joel every once in a while (okay more like 3 or 4 times a week) and to be honest it helped me deal with me, my failings, but in reality that is no way to deal.

Since I have been drinking less my mind and I have been hanging out much much more. I know we will learn to like each other one day, even admire each other but right now or after a bad freaken day I just want a break. That is what I want.

Sometimes what we want is not what we need..

What do I think I need? I need to like who I am, my thoughts, my rights and my wrongs and live with sometimes the bad things, learn from the bad things. I need to learn to live with out escape so that I can truly help others. Truly be me with no me missing.

Failure sucks, or does it? The bible says....

Hebrews 4:14-16
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

So Jesus was tempted with the same stuff we are tempted with, he get's it man. Think of how much he probably wanted to run away from who he was. What he knew he would eventually have to do. Man he probably wanted to get drunk A LOT! maybe even thought about getting drunk before facing the cross. But he had a mission of love to carry out and he needed to be present for it.
We all have a purpose and I think we should be present for it too. It could be amazing.

We aren't alone in our battle with ourselves, we have God and other people because as humans we really are all on the same team

We all have demons to face and they come in many shapes and forms. It can sometimes seem easier to not face them at all. To run run run.. It's when we stop, turn around and face them that we can once and for all defeat them. I think the demons in our lives love it when we drink to ignore them. They love to be ignored because it means we aren't actually going to do anything about them.. Man they get scared when we stop running! Having friends to talk to about things helps too. Friends understand, people understand. And let me reiterate again how hard this has been for me.. BUT

Should I also just run from the things in life that are difficult?

"Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led diffcult lives and led them well."
-- Theodore Roosevelt

Why would he have envied people who had difficult lives and lived them well? Why wouldn't he want to have an easy life?

Maybe there is a hidden secret in overcoming difficulty. Maybe it is in those times (when we actually face those things) that we gain true victory in our lives. We find ourselves and we begin to see what we are here for. To love, to inspire, to fight for truth and not take this precious thing we call life for granted.

It's going to be hard! But it's going to be worth it.

Thank you God for my struggles and the ability to face and overcome them so I can truly appreciate what it is to live!

First video!!

Hello there! Here is my first video blog. It's just my sister Leah and I hanging out talking about things and having fun.

Thank God for a new day (Hope in the darkness)

So, so so so so so!!! I had a bit of an off day yesterday, to say the least. It seems that those days sometimes follow amazing days, and this was no exception. Thursday was an amazing day for me. I was creative, inspired, happy. I felt like a million and one bucks.. But then there was Friday.. Oh Friday.. Friday's have always been hard days for me. I think it's because I always feel pressure to do something exceedingly fun, party or something. Now that I am working at quitting drinking Friday's are even harder. So what was so bad about yesterday?

I didn't want to do anything or see anyone. I stayed in my bedroom mostly. I had this feeling of pointlessness that I couldn't shake. I know it's a lie but it still held me down the whole day. I was anxious and incapable of doing anything it seemed and surrounded by darkness.

I guess we all have bad days and that is something we can't really change but it's how we deal and move on that makes us who we are and shows our character.

Alfred to Bruce Wayne: Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Leave it up to Alfred to sum it all up.. It's an interesting way to look at it. Why do we have bad days? Why do we screw up? why do we fall? So we can learn to show ourselves and others who we really are. So we can conquer our weaknesses. So we can overcome things. Be strong, smart, ground breaking, world changing. "Learn", being a key word in this. It's so important to stay humble and realize we always have a lot to learn.

I said I was going to post poems I wrote and now seems appropriate for this one. I wrote it quite a while ago but it is also part of the inspiration for my blog title.

If the world is round, than I am a square
If there's one thing I've found, it's that life isn't fair
If a day went by and a smile could remain
If all of my efforts weren't so pointless and in vein
But I can't just hide or close my eyes
with each new day the sun will rise
tomorrow gives a whole new try
and with it is my hope.

As you can see a major theme in this poem is sadness and the hardships of everyday. I was realizing, I guess when writing the poem that there was a lot of negativity I would always have to face. In the beginning wishing that I didn't have to face these things and that I could just keep my smile. It's normal to want to be happy, to dislike suffering but it's important that we don't just hide or run from the hard times because there is still hope. Hope for tomorrow is a big one because in some ways it's a chance or at least a feeling that we can start fresh.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk said simply,

"Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that TOMORROW will be better, we can bear a hardship today."

It is simple but hard to remember or put into practice. If we look at it metaphorically with hope being light and darkness being hopelessness it can help to illustrate a truth.

Light only needs a tiny pinhole to shine through and illuminate a whole room. Darkness can not exist where light is but the opposite isn't true. You can not turn on a dark, you can only take away the light. Once the light shows up the dark runs, hides, disappears. Hope is a beautiful thing because if we just let it enter our minds a little, it can drive away the hopelessness. Like light it just needs a tiny opening to really change our way of thinking.

I know sometimes when I am feeling bad, sad or unrad I almost seem to run from hope. It's a strange thing but it's almost like I want to feel that way. Like the sadness not only makes us sad but convinces our brains that we need to be sad.

WE DON'T!

So we have a bad day, in that moment we feel like we want to give up. But a bad day is just like a bump in a road when getting to a destination. They ultimately won't stop us from getting there but they might just make us say holy baloney on the way.

In fact!! Romans 8:28 says

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

So not only will it not stop us from getting to our destination, it can also be a good thing, a bad day can be part of a greater purpose. We know hope only needs a little tiny pin point hole to illuminate truth, like realizing things will work together for an overall good. A good that we can't always see when we miss the big picture of God's plan.

A bad day can be good because it helps us relate to others when they have bad days, It can help us appreciate the good days, it can give us time to reflect and maybe realize changes we need to make or places in our lives where we need healing, it can force us to look at the big picture and ask God for help, it shows us the true beauty and truth of HOPE. Just like panic attacks in my "I just don't feel right" blog post, we need to show love to bad days and they will loose a lot of their power.

We can and will overcome bad days, be better for it, have beautiful HOPE and LOVE for everything that happens in our lives and in the end live for great purpose!